Depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles
may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early
bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm
not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost
had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive
way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend
to live forever - so far, so good
I love
defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie
is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you
ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental
backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind
Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum
Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support
bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
The
only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When
everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition
is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give
a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
If I
worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
24 hours
in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
If everything
seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many
people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing
is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Everyone
has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Who
is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What
happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer
Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Shin:
a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Join
the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing
stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why
do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear
short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For
Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy
pillows: They're making headlines!
Black
holes are where God divided by zero.
All
those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried
sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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