The
Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were
asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
The
following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee
(n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted
(adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate
(v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade
(v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent
(adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer
the door in your nightie.
Lymph
(v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle
(n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence
(n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over
by a steamroller.
Balderdash
(n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude
(n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately
before he examines you.
Oyster
(n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Frisbeetarianism
(n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof
and gets stuck there.
Pokemon
(n), A Jamaican proctologist. |
