In
a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a
New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought
to see the manager.
In a
Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
On a
movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless
with child.
In a
Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In the
offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a
toy department: Five Santa Clauses, no waiting.
On a
Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship.
On military
bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a
display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now
available in multi-packs.
In an
appliance store window: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines
do the dirty work.
In a
funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a
clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a
men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits -- $100.00 they won't
last an hour!
On an
Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
In downtown
Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End.
In the
window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when
you can come right here?
In a
Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a
New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight.
On a
radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
On a
movie marquee: Now playing ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!
In the
vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please
see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a
Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves.
On a
roller coaster: Watch your head.
On the
grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.
In a
library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public
stops taking it away.
On a
Tennessee highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this
road is impassable.
In front
of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to
wash your car.
At a
Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass
container.
On a
long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
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